It makes me feel

It started in trickles…

a delivery from staggering pain of loss that needed to find an escape from my troubled soul. I tried drinking – often into stupors – but that was inconveniently debilitating and time consuming. And I consider time to be my single most valued commodity.

So I cut down a little on the drinking (come on now – I ain’t no saint) and started releasing fragments of that pent up emotion in something that isn’t just pissed away the next day – words.

I spill my guts on to the page.

I dabbled in poetry when I was a child, but I never wrote in earnest until a few years ago. Now my musings don whatever costume portrays their personality best – poems, stories, screenplays, love letters to my people.

Today writing consumes me.

Besides being cathartic, it’s blossomed to rewarding. Not only in that I receive occasional recognition for decent writing skills, no – it goes beyond that.

For a writer to be made aware that the overwhelming passions she lays bare on the page and entrusts to the reader’s eye are understood, are appreciated and are ultimately felt by the reader is…, well it’s… How do I complete that sentence?

This isn’t anything unique to me, many writers I’ve spoken with confirm this truth: we write, we live to hear someone say of our writing —

“It makes me feel.”

Thank you, Mom.

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– debi

Character Upgrade (add-on 1.0)

Noun

add-on (plural add-ons)

  1. Something which can be appended to something else.
  2. (computer) A software extension that provides additional functions or customization for a core application.

If you’ve spent any time online, you’ve been asked if you want an add-on for this or that.  I’m proposing a series of personal add-ons.

Nothing physical: no surgery, no expensive therapies; rather jigsaw pieces of the puzzle of life, allowing us to discover and become our best.  Character add-ons, just like software add-ons, require your permission.  (Ignoring is the same as not granting permission, right?)

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Hmmm, is that bulb lit?

ADD-ON 1.0:

Have you ever had a friend or relative (our kids are usually the best source for revelation of unclaimed character flaws) tell you of a habit or tendency that they find unattractive or even down-right nauseating?

Did you feel offended?  Did you respond with rational reasons why they were wrong or exaggerating or just plain lying?  (I’ve been guilty of that reaction on many occasions.)

What if they’re telling the truth?  Ever consider they might be doing us a big favor?  If we will just listen…  Even better, what if we could figure these things out on our own?  Well, we can.

It requires being aware of ourselves; being aware of how we present ourselves to those around us.  That means backing away from the thinking, feeling, movement, intuition and instinct that consume our attention.  Step back from being entrenched in the turmoil that rages in our heads and is consequently spewed forth; step back and observe what is happening in our heads and hearts.  View these happenings as an outsider would – as our kids do.

Once you’ve tackled that – I should rephrase – once you are constantly diligent in your attempts to observe yourself, you need to use those observations to tackle what is unattractive in yourself.

But I’m saving that for another post.

“Awareness is vitally important in the work of transformation because the habits of our personality let go most completely when we see them as they are occurring.” – The Wisdom of the Enneagram

– debi

Thinking vs. Feeling

Ever wonder why you act the way you do; why you respond in a certain way to life situations?

The rational functions, Thinking (T) and Feeling (F), determine how we act (with the intention of keeping our life manageable and under control – we hope).  By compiling reams and reams of  memories and data from past experiences, we know how to act in the present situation.   We’re able to predict outcomes to incoming data and then react in the way that is uniform with our personality type.   (If you don’t know yet what your MBTI type is, please visit the post from March 24, 2009 and then read on.)

So, what, you may ask, are the differences? Continue reading