What Kind of Mate Are You?

“Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends.” – Anonymous

Have you ever thought about why you act the way you do in a relationship?  Do you think it’s just chance?  Do you see patterns emerge in your behavior?  I’ve observed patterns in my behavior – some I’m more than happy to own, others make me cringe. Continue reading

Who We Are First and Second

Now that we know our MBTI type (if you don’t know yet, please take this type test and remember your letters), we can explore further how our personality unfolds; how we interact, why we react the way we do.

The P or J at the end of our type combined with the E or I at the beginning tells us whether we use the second or the third letter as our primary personality function.  Clear as pea soup, right?

Ok, let’s unravel the mystery.  Find your letters below: Continue reading

Creativity

How does creativity happen?

Have you ever had inspirational moments where something new and different just pops out?  You can’t explain the process – it just happens!

“If play expires in itself without creating anything durable and vital, it is only play, but in the other case it is called creative work.  Out of a playful movement of elements whose interrelations are not immediately apparent, patterns arise which an observant and critical intellect can only evaluate afterward.  The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect, but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity.  The creative mind plays with the object it loves.” — C.G. Jung Continue reading

Perceiving vs. Judging

This is the last or fourth set of MBTI letters, but definitely not the least.  This letter determines how we deal with the outside world.  It characterizes our expectations of others and our visible behaviors.  It influences how others see us!

If you don’t know your type, take this type test and remember your letters!  Your fourth letter will be either a J or a P. Continue reading

Thinking vs. Feeling

Ever wonder why you act the way you do; why you respond in a certain way to life situations?

The rational functions, Thinking (T) and Feeling (F), determine how we act (with the intention of keeping our life manageable and under control – we hope).  By compiling reams and reams of  memories and data from past experiences, we know how to act in the present situation.   We’re able to predict outcomes to incoming data and then react in the way that is uniform with our personality type.   (If you don’t know yet what your MBTI type is, please visit the post from March 24, 2009 and then read on.)

So, what, you may ask, are the differences? Continue reading

Personality Type and Grief

“I thought of the stern Victorian determination to keep death in mind, the uncompromising tombstones: Remember, pilgrim, as you pass by, As you are now so once was I; As I am now so you will be…

Now death is uncool, old-fashioned.  To my mind the defining characteristic of our era is spin, everything tailored to vanishing point by market research, brands and bands manufactured to precise specifications; we are so used to things transmuting into whatever we would like them to be that it comes as a profound outrage to encounter death, stubbornly unspinnable, only and immutably itself.”

– Tana French In The Woods

Death truly is the only thing in life that touches each of us – there’s no way to avoid it.  It may appear abruptly with no announcement, or it may linger on the doorstep indefinitely before entering and destroying the peace in our house.  However it may enter our lives, it’s a rude interruption.  And especially in today’s world.  We’ve lost a lot of our coping skills as Tana French so eloquently states.  We’re often insulated from death; nursing homes, hospitals, no longer several generations in one home, less infant and childhood death.  Despite all that, we will encounter death, and if we don’t deal with it in a mature manner, grief can be debilitating. Continue reading

Sensation vs. Intuition

The first set of letters in Personality Type Categories was presented in the Introvert vs. Extrovert post from April 18, 2010.  The second set of letters: S vs. N define a totally different personal preference.  These letters illustrate how we perceive our direct surroundings, hence they are called the Perceiving functions.

We can only use one or the other at any given moment.  They are in conflict with one another.  As individuals we have a tendency to prefer one function over another: Sensation (S from now on) vs. Intuition (N from now on).

To stereotype these, we would assume an S type is very here and now and an N type has his head in the clouds.  But… that is way too simple of an explanation.  The waters run much deeper! Continue reading

MBTI? Huh? Give me a clue!

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.  Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.                    —  Henry David Thoreau

We each are unique (some out there are really unique).  But with a little observation, it is easy to see that everyone we know has similarities to someone else we know.  If we keep on looking and looking, eventually all these characteristics can be put under specific headings, and then we can label distinct patterns.  This is how MBTI and many other philosophies have been born and raised. Continue reading

Our Changing Personality – Nationwide

I believe our overall personality as a nation is changing.  Yes, I know that’s been a trend since the first settlers landed on the east coast, but the change I’ve seen in the last couple decades is what I’m focusing on.  I do not intend to imply that all citizens are what I’m about to describe – but rather a segment within that is growing rapidly.  I propose that this tendency is detrimental to our nation as a whole.

Large portions of the populace have shifted their idea of “life destiny” from home, family and job to image, attention and JOB (no, that’s not a typo – JOB becomes even more important, but shun the warm support of home and family – make a note to remember Type 3).

A variety of MBTI researchers through the years (all the way back to Carl Jung’s 1921 publication of Psychological Types) have presented theories of personality that support similar patterns categorizing individual traits.  As the Enneagram philosophy (presented in the late 1960’s and early 70’s by Oscar Ichazo) has become popular, research has soared trying to relate the MBTI to the Enneagram.   Two of the most popular of the researchers – Don Riso and Walter Geldart – believe that the Enneagram Type 3, the Achiever, has no correlation with MBTI types.  (I agree with them.)

My head is spinning!! What does all that mean??  The Achiever Type 3 did not exist in large enough numbers to be recognized as a separate personality until recent times!!  It’s up-n-comin’!  This chart illustrates – hint: look for Type 3 (for further information, refer to this article):

Enneazone Associated MBTI 

Types according

to Riso’s theory

MBTI Prototypes 

identified by Fudjack/
Dinkelaker

Associated MBTI 

Types according

to Geldart

Gabbard’s 

‘represent-
ative’ types

1 ESTJ, ENTJ ENTJ, INTJ
ESTJ, ISTJ
ENFJ, ESFJ
INFJ, ISFJ
ESTJ, ENTJ ESTJ, ENTJ
2 ESFJ, ENFJ ESFJ, ENFJ ESFJ, ENFJ ENTJ, ENFJ
3 none chosen ESTP, ESFP none chosen ESFJ, ISFJ
4 INFJ, INTJ INFJ, INTJ ENTP, ENFP INFJ, INTJ
5 ISTP, INTP ISTP, INTP ISTP, INTP INFP, INTP
6 ISFP, INFP ISTJ, ISFJ ISFP, INFP ESFP, ISFP
7 ESTP, ESFP ENTP, ENFP ESTP, ESFP ESTP, ENTP
8 ENFP, ENTP ESTJ, ENTJ ISTJ, ISFJ ENFP, ENTP
9 ISTJ, ISFJ INFP, ISFP INTJ, INFJ ESFP, ESFJ

So…, you ask me, why should this matter and why should I care?

The Enneagram type 3 Personality at its best is described as: “You will often find Threes at or near the top of successful organizations. In sport, you will find them as charming winners who will bask in the spotlight, enjoying the respect they have earned through their achievement. But not for long – Threes are only as good as their last triumph, and will be on to achieving their next victory! Their strong drive to achieve creates the Three’s blind spot, the need to be respected by others at all times.”

Also: “At their weakest, if the Threes do not feel they are gaining the respect they deserve they can become very competitive, winning at all cost. In excess, they can become deceptive and vindictive. Image is everything and they will seek to protect their image of success even where the reality is different. To be seen to have failed would be their worst nightmare, and they will seek to preserve their image of success.”

Here is the key to my theory and this new phenomenon we are witnessing:  The bullies of this world are unhealthy Type 3s.  Narcissism, arrogance, contempt and jealousy define the characteristics of the degenerating Achiever.  One glaring example of this burgeoning tendency is the suicide on January 14 of  Phoebe Prince.  Such a tragedy – all due to bullying.

Dr. Susan Lipkins, a psychologist for over twenty years, is a leading expert in the field of hazing.  She specializes in campus conflict and violence in high schools and colleges.  “The bullying culture is increasing at warp speed,” says Long Island psychologist Susan Lipkins. “Bullying and cyber-bullying are becoming more violent and more sexualized every day.”

The not-so-long-ago undefined Type 3 Achiever is becoming more and more prevalent – at an alarming rate – in our society.  Too many young persons today believe corporeal achievement to be superior to the traditional values our citizens have embraced through history – character, conduct and conscience.

What was I thinking?!?

OMG!  Why did I let that asshole walk all over me?  And not stick up for myself!  I’m such a wimp!

I can’t tell you how many occasions have caused me to chastise myself in just such terms.  Ick!  And I lived that way for years, but not now – at least not as often, anyway.  I set out to find out why I am that way and if I could learn to correct the parts of me that I don’t like. Continue reading