Earlier today I was chatting on AIM with my son, a 29-year-old successful deep-thinking man:
god i’m so glad you didn’t put us over yours and dad’s life… I tell people about that sometimes in conversations about kids and they are like uh wat? and i’m like yeah, wtf did you want my mom to do? give up her life for me? kids are supposed to grow up.
yah we did do that right. I learned it from Nana and Grandpa. Plus I was madly in love with Dad, and we made a decision together that he and I were the most important persons in our lives.
I got really busy with work for a couple hours. Curiosity got the best of me.
Something which can be appended to something else.
(computer) A software extension that provides additional functions or customization for a core application.
If you’ve spent any time online, you’ve been asked if you want an add-on for this or that. I’m proposing a series of personal add-ons.
Nothing physical: no surgery, no expensive therapies; rather jigsaw pieces of the puzzle of life, allowing us to discover and become our best. Character add-ons, just like software add-ons, require your permission. (Ignoring is the same as not granting permission, right?)
Have you ever had a friend or relative (our kids are usually the best source for revelation of unclaimed character flaws) tell you of a habit or tendency that they find unattractive or even down-right nauseating?
Did you feel offended? Did you respond with rational reasons why they were wrong or exaggerating or just plain lying? (I’ve been guilty of that reaction on many occasions.)
What if they’re telling the truth? Ever consider they might be doing us a big favor? If we will just listen… Even better, what if we could figure these things out on our own? Well, we can.
It requires being aware of ourselves; being aware of how we present ourselves to those around us. That means backing away from the thinking, feeling, movement, intuition and instinct that consume our attention. Step back from being entrenched in the turmoil that rages in our heads and is consequently spewed forth; step back and observe what is happening in our heads and hearts. View these happenings as an outsider would – as our kids do.
Once you’ve tackled that – I should rephrase – once you are constantly diligent in your attempts to observe yourself, you need to use those observations to tackle what is unattractive in yourself.
But I’m saving that for another post.
“Awareness is vitally important in the work of transformation because the habits of our personality let go most completely when we see them as they are occurring.” – The Wisdom of the Enneagram