How To Ruin A Relationship

We go to the trouble of finding a mate who is enough different from us to create a complimentary relationship, and then we work hard to sculpt them to our image – this phenomenon is called “The Pygmalion Project”.

We each have a particular aim in life, which, of course, is so important to us that we feel all other persons, especially our mates, should share our desires.  The Artisan’s basic search in life is for exciting sensations; the Guardian’s is social and economic security; the Idealist’s is personal identity; the Rational’s is useful knowledge.  (If you don’t know which of the these categories  you fall in, visit the post from April 3,2010, find and remember your letters and category.)

What we fail to realize, however, is that our mates cannot permanently change who they are.  That would be a violation of their character.  They may try for the sake of love and relationship, but the harder they try, the greater the damage.  As we seek to mold and reform our mates, the message they receive is that they are not good enough for us.  They see that we want them to be something they aren’t.

Yep, we fall in love with someone – they’re perfect for us; we love them just the way they are – then we want them to change.  If they do change, they are no longer the person we fell in love with, and we fall out of love!  It’s a sad story that happens too often.

But what if we could recognize our natural impulse to reform our mates, pause each time the impulse strikes and hold our tongue – some interesting phenomena might begin to appear.  If we could suspend our efforts to remake our mates in our own image – to become more adventurous, or more reliable, or more soul-searching, or more rational – then we just might remember what attracted us to them in the first place.  And maybe our love would not only return but possibly thrive and grow.

7 thoughts on “How To Ruin A Relationship

    1. Romy,

      That’s actually a preferred scenario. The power is in your hands!

      You just have to act on the desire to change. Do you have a goal in mind? If you do, have you decided on a course of action? I know you said you are seeking help – wonderful! But (while keeping an open mind) it might be wise to at least have a vague idea of where you want to head before you allow someone to lead you.

      I commend your efforts! I look forward to watching your progress.


      1. All I know is that I want to become a better person in order to make me feel happier about who I am and what I do. I don’t want to doubt myself, nor my actions. I know I am a good person and by seeking a guide, I want to strip away everything that is weighing down that good person.

    1. Christina,

      Fascinating! So, does the egg or the chicken come first?

      Do our brain structures grow in a certain way due to personality type? Or do we develop a personality type due to the physical makeup of our brain?

      Well… either way, I’m not at all surprised that a correlation has been established between the physical and the conscious and/or subconscious.

      Thanks! debi

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